How to Pay Rent, Get Famous, and Wake Up Before Noon

The Burg: Chemistry

matt@howtopayrent.com (Matt Yeager) — Thu, 19 Oct 2006 17:39:00 +0000

I'll Throw 'Em Where I Want

matt@howtopayrent.com (Matt Yeager) — Tue, 12 Sep 2006 18:21:00 +0000

I found this one to be helpful,

but this one I couldn't abide.

The Burg: Blind

matt@howtopayrent.com (Matt Yeager) — Tue, 22 Aug 2006 14:14:00 +0000

Uh, not to just repost and repost Burg stuff here, but I wrote this one, so it counts. And plus, I'm totally going to start writing new things and putting them up here. I freakin swear!

The Burg: My Humps

matt@howtopayrent.com (Matt Yeager) — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 22:18:00 +0000

I have heard this is the funniest thing The Burg has done. That's just...great.

The Burg in the New York Times!

matt@howtopayrent.com (Matt Yeager) — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 22:17:00 +0000

The Burg got a great writeup in the New York Times. Read it here: http://screens.blogs.nytimes.com/?p=38

The Burg: Street Food

matt@howtopayrent.com (Matt Yeager) — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 17:04:00 +0000

Subscribe to the webcast on iTunes and stick it up your pod.
Sign up for the mailing list at theburg.tv

The Burg: Hip or Dangerous

matt@howtopayrent.com (Matt Yeager) — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 16:57:00 +0000

Subscribe to the webcast on iTunes and stick it up your pod.
Sign up for the mailing list at theburg.tv

Just Found This

matt@howtopayrent.com (Matt Yeager) — Sun, 21 May 2006 17:07:00 +0000

The column this was attached to didn't really work out (and just so you know, there weren't any fat jokes), but I didn't want the picture to go unseen. Guess where I sat down?

Pumpkinhead In: Why I Hate Myself

matt@howtopayrent.com (Matt Yeager) — Fri, 28 Apr 2006 15:41:00 +0000

Things You Should Probably Know

matt@howtopayrent.com (Matt Yeager) — Sat, 01 Jan 2005 21:14:00 +0000

3/15/06

Germans are descended from robots.

Something I Want to Clear Up: The prevalent male desire to destroy things and beat people up is not necessarily related to penis size or sexual identity. Sometimes they were also the shortest kid in the grade. Dig?

Earth to Bar Bathrooms: When I close the stall door, I don't want to have to do acrobatics to avoid hitting my leg on the toilet.

But...How Do I Get My Toothbrush Out?

matt@howtopayrent.com (Matt Yeager) — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 18:19:00 +0000

Goodbye Cruel World

matt@howtopayrent.com (Matt Yeager) — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 18:55:00 +0000

This is my last cry for help, people.

Headlines Don't Get Much Better Than This

matt@howtopayrent.com (Matt Yeager) — Thu, 02 Feb 2006 14:45:00 +0000

But Mommy! I want the one with drugs in its belly!

Corduroy

matt@howtopayrent.com (Matt Yeager) — Wed, 01 Feb 2006 18:12:00 +0000

Okay, I'll admit I have a problem with corduroy in general, but this guy was clothed head to toe in brown corduroy, the exact same brown corduroy, and it infuriated me to no end. In fact, I was originally sitting in the seat you see him in now, but his furry brownness encroached upon my periphery until my thoughts narrowed to a singular fixation upon the question of what on earth would possess someone, not merely to dress themselves in homogenous corduroy, but to purchase a pair of pants and a jacket, not a suit, but loose fitting crummy clothes of the exact same brown corduroy and then wear it together? Someone with something wrong with them, that's who.

And if the visual offense weren't grave enough, the lousy bastard was tall, meaty, and loose in his seat - such that when the train came to a halt, he freely shifted his body and his weight with the force of the train, pressing up against me until it settled to its stop, shuffing him back those few inches to where he was before. Oh, how I hated his oozy seat etiquette and his disturbing clothes. (Interestingly enough, the shoes and socks didn't bug me. It just figured he'd be wearing shoes and socks that looked like that.)

That's when I stood up with as much irritation as I could convey without audibly exhaling (a petty and artless tactic if ever there was) and started taking his picture. I took 4. I wanted to tempt the odds with this one, that he might occasion to look up at my phone pointed right at him, a smirk upon my insitgating face. "Are you taking my picture?" he would ask, fully prepared to give me the pounding I probably deserved. "No, just playing Q-Bert," I would reply. "That Coily thinks he can trap me, but I always manage to give him the switcheroo." And then I would take another, and have a hearty chuckle.

Cheat Death

matt@howtopayrent.com (Matt Yeager) — Wed, 25 Jan 2006 18:14:00 +0000

Feeling suicidal? Awaiting your turn at the gallows? Never fear! POM will somehow make those things not happen! It alleviates suicidal tendencies by supplanting them with the desire for revenge against the company that sold you this syrupy concentrate garbage for upwards of $3, and each POM purchased comes with a coupon for free governmental pardon (not valid for non-gallows related sentences.)